Giving advice to my 25 year old self: Play the long game
I’m turning 35 this month, and the biggest piece of advice I’d give my younger self is to invest in the Long Game. And because my advice sort of sounds like sports advice, I know My younger self is already zoned out, staring out the window, daydreaming about being a famous interior decorating blogger. And if you didn’t know my younger self like I did— she was a girl who was lazy in accomplishing or following through on her big ideas and equally impatient for her dreams to come to fruition.
Learning to play the long game is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my twenties and thirties and if I were younger me, I’d listen real closely to this next bit:
Playing the long game means being willing to invest your time, creativity, risks, and probably even your money into things that might not immediately yield results. That’s going to be really hard for you because you’re part of a generation who can order food and it shows up at your door twenty minutes later.
You’re going to be frustrated because when it comes to working out, you are going to want to see big big results quickly. Cut abs and disappearing love handles. And it’s going to be hard for you to show up consistently over a long period of time to see small results. But one thing you’re going to learn is that showing up for your body is one small piece of a 1,000 piece puzzled titled “Your Mental Health”. And adding those pieces to that puzzle on a daily basis is so so important for your overall body long term. You’ll be less depressed. You’ll create energy for your day by working out in the mornings. You’ll find your body getting stronger. You will realize that getting stronger means running farther and that running takes you to really cool places. You literally bought a museum membership for a museum 6 miles from where you live so you would have a place you really feel motivated to run to. Progress will be slow, but you will be grateful for the consistency you keep when playing this long game.
When it comes to your vocation, you are going to find that networking is a long game and building friendships within your creative community is one of the best things you can do to feel less alone, especially when you start to feel the urge to compare your success to other’s wins. Adding blog posts to your website every week is a long game that will help you get seen on Google and believe me, you will feel like nothing is happening, and then you’ll realize that small things turn into big things and you’ll see that Google doesn’t hate you. It kind of loves you. You’ll find that photographing lots of free things that are fun and exciting to you will only lead to more things that are fun and exciting to you. You are going to think you won’t achieve anything so you won’t want to try, but when you just TRY out things (without talking yourself into thinking they will fail) and take risks, you’ll find that those pay off in the long run.
The same can be said for your wardrobe. You love fashion, but finding your you-i-ness in fashion might take time. You are going to find that trends aren’t your thing and they never really have been. You’re going to start investing in pieces that work for years and years to come. And you can’t buy them all at once even though you want to. You’ll invest in pieces slowly over time. Pieces that are well made and some that are ethically made (because clothing and consuming will start to feel differently when you find out how unethical the clothing world is). And, after awhile, your closet will feel so very Stacie-like. And people will notice that you have a particular style and it will be the style you’ve wanted to have for years. But it took time to invest in it and to build it. But that’s the long game you’ll be grateful for.
And, lastly, if there’s anything that you feel has been worth the long game, it’s your marriage. It’s the kind of game you aren’t playing against your partner, but rather, you’re teaming up with them. They are for you. And you are for them. And when you realize how not against you they are, your whole marriage will change. You’re going to find out when you get married that you have pain when trying to have sex (it’s called Vaginismus, read about it here) and it’s going to rock your mental and physical health. Surprisingly though, it’s not going to rock your marriage. It’s going to ever so slowly make it richer and richer. While you think fixing painful sex will only take a few weeks to fix, you’ll actually find that it’g going to take several years of learning and re-learning your body. You’re going to be disappointed in your progress, but in the end, you’ll see that playing the long game is okay and doesn’t/shouldn’t take away from the little joys and orgasms along the way.
You’re a day to day kind of girl, so looking toward the future and the strategy of the long game is going to be hard. But when you take the time to acknowledge the mundane steps toward that long game, you’ll find yourself so grateful you’re playing it.
